popular thinking

Longtime Boston media critic Dan Kennedy says I have a "cheeky sensibility," and this blog post sure won't change his opinion any. Over the weekend, I found myself staring at a lot of things inexplicably. The staring, I could explain. But not staring at a package of Charmin brand bathroom tissue. Apparently, that's what they call their toilet paper. At any rate. Back to the Charmin package. Everything is described in both English and Spanish, which I suppose is a nice, helpful thing, although probably more than necessary, considering it's, well, bathroom tissue. Then again, on the back, the package lists a phone number (1-800-777-1410) and a Web site, www.charmin.com, in case you have any questions about your Charmin.

Obvious No. 1 question: Is it safe to now squeeze the Charmin?

But I had other questions...Why do you have four different sizes: Regular Roll (Rollo Regular), Big Roll (Rollow Grande), Giant Roll (Rollow Gigante) and Mega Roll (What, no Spanish translation?)? Actually, that's not quite as baffling as the notion that Charmin also offers, yes, four different kinds of bathroom tissue.

"Choose the right Charmin for you." OK. Let's make a decision, based on these descriptions...

Ultra Soft: Our Softest Touch & Most Absorbent
Charmin: Squeezably Soft & Strong
Basic: Softness, Strength & Value Rolled into One
freshmates: For a Cleaner Clean than dry tissue alone

Hmmm...decisions, decisions. OK. I'm clearly in denial. No, not about my bathroom tissue needs. Though clearly, methinks the people at Proctor & Gamble are putting much too much thought into bathroom tissue. And clearly, I'm putting much too much thought into this blog post, when I could have something else to talk about. So let's move past denial.