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Published Tuesday, August 16, 2005 by seanlmccarthy | E-mail this post

TEEN CHOICE AWARDS: Do the teens actually choose these awards, or do the awards choose the teens? This ain't no semantics lesson. Rather, we gots issues with the so-called "Teen Choice Awards" dating back a ways. Remember last year, when alleged rapist Kobe Bryant got some face time in front of the kids? Ah yes, it seems so long ago, doesn't it? But no. Not that long ago. And this year...well, Rob Schneider? Let me repeat that in case you missed it. Co-host Rob Schneider? He is currently "starring" (if that's the correct term for mucking up a major motion picture and taking up space at your local cineplex) in another regrettable Deuce Bigalow movie, but that's a Sony pic, so if you were thinking he snuck onto the show through a Fox convergence conspiracy, then, well, that excuse didn't pan out. He is old enough to be Hilduff's daddy. He looks like creepy pervy guy next to her. And this is how they decide to host the Teen Choice Awards. Then we get Paris "I wasn't famous enough for spending my family's money so it took a tape of me giving oral sex to a guy to boost ratings for my Fox show to get super-famous" Hilton winning a Teen Choice Award. I cannot go on. Must I?